Searching for Gravity
by Jennrosee
Summary: If your destiny was denied to you, who would you be? What would you become? Eighteen years after her birth, eighteen years after he ran away, will Jake and Renesmee finally find what they've been searching for? AU ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

Did you ever wonder who Jake and Nessie would be if they didn't know each other, if Jake hadn't imprinted on her when she was a baby? Just a little story that's been going on in my head. Thought I'd try to get it out.

Many thanks to my awesome prereader Isecretlyliketwilight, and Madmum and AnthroBug over at PTB for their beta expertise!

I own nothing!

* * *

><p><strong>~Renesmee~ <strong>

To a family of vampires, time is meaningless. Time passes, the world changes, but we stay the same.

To humans, the ticking of a clock is a sound that means so much. _Tick_. Another second of life passes. _Tick_. Another second of life wasted. _Tick._ Another second closer to death. But to us, the ticking of a clock is just another sound that melts into the cacophony of sounds that over time we've learned how to block out.

Well, that is unless we're sitting in the school's office, waiting for the principal to call us in. I swear that room had the loudest ticking clock I'd ever heard!

We sat in the waiting room, my parents on either side of me while we waited for Principal Robarts to get off the phone with our "father," waiting to hear what the punishment was this time. Detention? Suspension? Another expulsion? It would be my second expulsion if that was the case.

My real father pinched the bridge of his nose while my mother sat motionless, staring at the clock. The irony of sitting between my parents in the principal's office while we waited for our punishment did not escape me, and I snorted back a laugh.

"Will you be serious for once, Renesmee?" my father whispered.

I sighed and tapped my fingernails on the wooden arms of my chair. "Stop it!" my mother hissed as her icy hand gripped mine.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

Mrs. Carson looked over at me from the reception desk with disapproval. I hadn't actually meant for it to happen the way it had. Well, _maybe_ I had, but the kid actually deserved a lot more than what he got.

"Renesmee, what exactly happened that caused all of this?" my mother asked. Knowing my father was already privy to the event in my mind, I put my hand on top of hers and showed her.

"_Hey, Renesmee."_

_Crap. Kevin Cooper._

"_How's it going, Kevin?" I reply, slamming my locker shut. I turn to head off toward my next class when he puts his arm up against the locker, blocking my way. I swear the kid has a death wish._

"_I need to get to class, Kevin."_

"_Skip it."_

"_Can't. Test today." _

"_Go out with me."_

"_No."_

"_Come on, Renesmee," he says, pulling on one of my curls._

"_Oh, __Kevin, __while __your __charm __is __just __so __alluring, __and __though __most __girls __could __never __say __no to __your __testosterone-fueled, __football-playing, __caveman __ways, __I _can_, __so __no.__"_

"_You know, Renesmee, most girls would kill to go out with me. Consider yourself lucky I chose you."_

_Wow, this kid is a total douche. "Well, Kevin, that's where you're mistaken. I'm not most girls. Sorry," I say as I shrug, duck under his arm, and head off to class._

The door to Mr. Robarts' office opened and the stocky, balding man looked over at the three of us. "Edward, Isabella, the two of you are free to return to class. Mrs. Carson will give you a late pass. Renesmee, will you come into my office, please."

Cutting off my replay of the event to my mother, I sighed, let go of her hand, and quickly stood to meet my fate. Previous experience had taught me that minor infractions could be dealt with at the front desk, but when the principal actually called you _in _to his office…well, that was bad. I plopped down in a chair in front of his desk as he closed the door behind him and sat down.

"Renesmee, as you know, we have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to violence of any kind."

Yep. I was getting expelled.

"However, due to the extenuating circumstances and several witnesses who came forward in your defense, I have decided to be lenient with you. You won't be expelled, but you will be suspended for a period of two weeks, following which you will serve Saturday detentions for the remainder of the school year."

"But that's three months!" I shrieked.

"Renesmee, you assaulted another student. He had to be taken to the hospital, and according to your father, you broke his hand. Now, Mr. Cooper is being expelled for his actions; consider yourself extremely lucky that you're not. Your suspension is effective immediately. Since it's last period, you can wait in the sitting room until one of your siblings comes to retrieve you."

I walked back into the waiting room and sat in a chair. Just great! The two weeks off I could live with – hell, it'd be like a vacation – but three months of Saturdays spent _here_? Maybe Carlisle could get me out of it; he could tell them I'd volunteer at the hospital or something. Damn, this sucked ass! I ran the replay of the events over and over through my head to try to block out the sound of the clock.

"_How do you think you did on the test, Renesmee?"_

"_Oh, I don't know, Bella. It was really tough," I say, playing along with our usual charade, loud enough so the students walking to their next classes can hear us. _

"_Oh, there's Edward," she says as he comes around the corner at the other end of the hall. "Why does he look so angry?"_

"_Somebody must have had a naughty thought about one of us," I joke as Bella rushes ahead to meet him. Then, I feel someone wrap his arm around my chest, pulling me back into him._

"_Hey, __Cullen. __I __think _you're _mistaken,__" __Kevin __whispers.__ "__I __don__'__t __take __no __for __an __answer.__"_

I was never really in any danger. I could have taken the guy at any moment, and I was fully prepared to use my wit to put him in his place, until I felt his hand move along the hem of my skirt, brushing against the inside of my thigh. Next thing I knew, I was crushing his hand as I flipped him over my shoulder and onto his back. Silence echoed through the halls as students stopped to witness the scene, and it was finally broken when the shock wore off and Kevin began screaming as he felt the pain in his crushed hand. I was still holding onto him when my parents rushed over, and a teacher came out of his class to see the three of us surrounding Kevin and ordered us all to the principal's office before anybody could explain. The look on my father's face when all three of us were sent to the principal's office was almost worth it. Almost.

I glanced at the clock and saw there were only three minutes left until last period ended. I wondered which one of my family members would be the lucky one who got to rescue me from the torment of that damn school office clock. _Please __don__'__t __be __Emmett. __Please __don__'__t __be __Emmett. __Aww, __crap! __It__'__s __Emmett._

"Well, look who I found in the principal's office," the overgrown lout of a vampire bellowed as he swung open the door to the office. "Surprise seeing _you _here! Good afternoon, Mrs. Carson. How are you on this fine day?" Emmett asked, strolling over and leaning on the reception desk, dazzling the old woman behind it.

"Why, I'm just fine, Emmett. How are you today?" Mrs. Carson replied.

"I'm just great, but I hear my little sister here has gotten herself into some trouble," Emmett said. "Renesmee, what are we going to do with you? Mother is going to be _so_ disappointed. I truly hope she hasn't been too much trouble for you this afternoon, Mrs. Carson. Teenagers can be so ungrateful."

"It's because everything is handed to them these days, Emmett. They don't know what it's like to have to work for things," Mrs. Carson snipped as she looked over at me.

Having heard enough, I snatched my book bag off of the floor and charged out the door.

"Oh, wait up, Renesmee! I was just messing with you!" Emmett yelled as he chased after me.

"Whatever, Emmett. I just want to go home." I saw the rest of my family waiting by their cars as I stormed out of the building with Emmett close on my heels.

"Renesmee -" my father started.

_I __don__'__t __want __to __talk __about __it._ I seethed. What did that old witch of a woman know about me anyway? Absolutely nothing. I jumped into the Volvo, slammed the door, and focused on keeping my mind dark in order to keep my father out the entire way home.

After school was the same story every day. We'd go home and all of the coupled Cullens would disappear for a few hours. If Carlisle was at work, then Esme would spend time with me, but the majority of my afternoons were spent alone, watching TV, reading, sometimes even doing the same homework that I already had copies of from other classes at other schools. This day, however, since I didn't have any homework due for two weeks, I went up to my room, cranked up Nine Inch Nails on my iPod as loud as my ears could handle, and laid down on top of my bed.

I guess when you're in love your focus is entirely on that person. Everybody else be damned. It was quite humorous, really. My entire eighteen years of life I'd been surrounded by love. I saw the love my grandparents, Carlisle and Esme, and my aunts and uncles, Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett, had for each other. And then there were my parents. I was pretty sure no other couple in existence had the sickeningly sweet, gag reflex-inducing type of love they had. Even in school, I'd wander the halls, watching the coupled teenaged humans express their love, holding hands, sneaking kisses when the teachers weren't looking, even the occasional improper grope. Yet I'd never felt that way about anyone before. I couldn't even recall ever having the slightest crush on a boy. I'd always just felt empty, like I had lost something that had once been very important to me, and it had created this constant ache in the center of my chest since the day I was born. As far as we knew, there was no one else on the planet that was like me – half human, half vampire. Who was I supposed to love anyway? My only real choice would be another vampire, and all of the other vegetarian vampires we knew already had someone. And I definitely wasn't going to date a human feeder. Maybe I just wasn't made for love.

My stomach growled, so I got up and went into the kitchen to grab a snack. While I preferred to hunt, I could survive solely on human food if I had to, and there were a few foods that I actually enjoyed. I guess the one positive thing about my peculiarity was that I had the option, and this made it much easier for me to live and blend in with humans than it was for my family.

I pulled out a box of blueberry Pop-Tarts and ripped open the cellophane bag just as my parents walked into the kitchen, the first of my family to return from their afternoon rendezvous. They were all giggly and gross, hanging all over each other. I often wondered if they even knew I existed when they were like this.

My father sighed and tore his eyes away from my mother. "Of course we know you exist, Renesmee. Why would you wonder such things?"

I shrugged and bit into my Pop-Tart, and my mother walked over and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry you had such a rotten day, sweetie."

I couldn't help but snicker. "Yeah, well, it's not like I'm not used to them."

I broke out of my mother's hug and hopped up onto the counter, kicking the cabinets underneath me with the heels of my shoes.

She looked up at me sadly, but then a sudden gleam of excitement came through her eyes. "Well, at least you get some time away from school. Any plans yet for your 'vacation'?" she asked, making little air quotes with her fingers.

"Well, I've been thinking about that, and I really want to go visit Grandpa Charlie."

"Out of the question, Renesmee. You know that," my father said, completely dismissing my idea without a second thought.

I kept my mind blank and took a deep breath. He wasn't going to like what I had to say next at all. "Except that it wasn't a question, Dad. I wasn't asking. I've decided I'm going."

There it was. I'd done it now. I had just defied my father.

"You can't go to Forks, Renesmee. There are…things," he said through breaths that I think were meant to try to calm himself.

"Yes, Dad, I know there are things. You always say that. There are _things_…there are _people_…there are _wolves. _But none of those things know me, and I refuse to be punished anymore for whatever vampire laws the rest of you broke before I even existed!" My voice rose as my frustration grew.

"Renesmee, it is not safe. I cannot and will not allow it! End. Of. Discussion."

I had managed to keep my mind clear up to that point, but his complete refusal to consider anything I had to say left me infuriated, and I slipped. _In __that __case __then, __I __guess __it__'__s __a __good __thing __for __me __that __I__'__m __eighteen __and __a __legal __adult, __and __I __no __longer __need __to __ask __for __your __permission __to __do __anything._

And with that, I had just declared war with my father, and he fired back with a roar that surely must have sent every living creature in our immediate surroundings running for their lives.

"Really? Is this what we're doing now, Renesmee? You're going to act like a petulant child having a temper tantrum until you get what you want? You put us all at risk today! Carlisle had to make up lies so Mr. Robarts wasn't suspicious of your strength. And now you want to put yourself and your family at even greater risk by going back there? No! Absolutely not! If you want to see Charlie, fine, we'll invite him here, but you will not, under any condition, be going to Forks!" he commanded, slamming his fist against the counter and creating a long crack in the marble.

In a rage that I had never felt in my entire existence, I hopped down from my perch on the counter and raced to the back door of the house. "If that's what you think, then you just watch me," I hissed, slamming the door so hard behind me that the windows in the kitchen shattered from the impact, adding even more damage to Esme's once pristine kitchen.

I made it all the way across the backyard before I collapsed on the side of the hill that overlooked the Appalachian forest behind our home. My body was shaking in anger, frustration, and sadness. I had never had a fight like that with any of my family members before. I felt like something had just been irreparably broken between my father and I, and it was as much my fault as it was his. Our innate stubbornness might have finally just gotten the best of us. Yet, I still felt like he was wrong, and I wouldn't take back anything I had said to him.

Finally, after I'd been stewing in my completely emo emotions for a few minutes, my mother came up from behind and sat down next to me. "Renesmee, what's wrong? Please tell me what's been bothering you so much lately?"

Knowing that words would fail me at that moment, I took her hand and showed her the image of the very first time I had seen Grandpa Charlie, not long after I had been born. He was young. He was happy. Even as a human, he looked as if he could take down the world if he had to. He was my hero. Then I showed her the image of the last time I had seen him, just a little over a year ago when he had come to visit us. His hair had thinned out on the top, and he'd lost most of the familiar curls that I had inherited from him. White hairs streaked his side burns, and the wrinkles around his eyes were more prominent. He moved more slowly, and I could hear the slight creaking of his body as he did. I let go of her hand but kept my gaze toward the trees.

"Oh, sweetie, I know. I worry about him, too," Bella said, reaching back for my hand.

"I don't understand. No one in Forks even knew about me. What's so dangerous about me going back for a few days? It's been eighteen years! By now, most people would barely remember the Cullens. And we wouldn't even have to say anything about that. We could just say I'm Grandpa Charlie's long lost niece."

Grandpa Charlie had never questioned the "uniqueness" of our family. My father said he wondered things to himself and knew Bella was different, but he never asked why. After I was born and Bella was changed, we'd quickly moved out of Forks, and Carlisle told him that Bella had come down with some rare jungle disease on their honeymoon and that I was adopted. Grandpa Charlie never really believed any of it, and you didn't have to be a mind reader to know it; but he never questioned what he was told and worked on a need-to-know basis when it came to us. But even though he knew where we were, Grandpa Charlie didn't tell a soul. Not even his closest friends knew of my existence or where we had gone. He still held the secret with him now. My father said Grandpa Charlie's fear that he would lose us was so great that he would do and believe anything we told him if it meant keeping Bella and I in his life. I'd always felt guilty about that, and many times I had wanted to tell him he would never lose us, that we would be the ones to lose him, but I always kept that thought to myself.

My mother sighed and joined me in staring out into the trees. "It's been a long time since Forks. I hadn't even thought much about it. I can't really remember a lot of my human life anymore, but I know there were a couple of people I should have handled things differently with. I can't just show up in their lives now and pretend like nothing happened, but if it weren't for Charlie being so…Charlie, I would have nothing of my human life. I don't want you to regret anything, Renesmee. Our lives are much too long for regrets. If you feel like you need to go to Forks, whether it's to visit your grandpa or to find yourself, then you go, Renesmee. I'll fully support you, and so will your father, eventually."

I looked over at my mother who was fighting back invisible tears and curled into her side, wrapping my arms tightly around her. "Thank you, Momma."

"Just promise me one thing, Renesmee, please. Whatever you do, don't go onto the reservation."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** - You came back. Yay!

Thanks to my kick-ass pre-reader Isecretlyliketwilight, and betas SecretlySeverus and TwilightSingleStar from PTB.

I own nothing.

* * *

><p><strong>-Jake-<strong>

"I can't do this anymore."

I looked across the kitchen at her—at her blue eyes, at her blonde hair, at her fake boobs. She was physically perfect. She was everything I should have wanted. But I didn't. I didn't want any of her.

"Can't do what? What are you talking about?" Her face scrunched up at me the way it always did when she was either pissed or disgusted by something I said or did. It was a look I'd grown used to.

"This," I said, twisting the platinum ring off my finger and tossing it on the counter. "Here, buy yourself a new bag. Think of it as one final gift from me."

"What the fuck, Jacob? _Are you leaving me?_"

I looked into her eyes as they bore into mine. She had been the only constant in my life for three years. Could I really just walk away? Then I surveyed the destruction our argument had created—tomato sauce splattered against a wall, shattered pieces of glass littering the tile floor, the coffee table resting in the middle of what was once a flat-screen TV—Yeah. I really could.

"I don't love you, Hillary. I never have. I'm sorry."

There was that look again.

"Get out. _Get out_!"

I turned, gave her one last glance over my shoulder, and walked out the door. The hot, desert air rushed around me, and for the first time in a long time, I felt free.

I would have to find a lawyer. There was no denying the fact that a divorce from her was going to be messy. She was going to take me for everything I had. Not that it would be any surprise. She already took most of what I had anyway, and it wasn't like I had that much.

I walked around to the garage of our two-story townhouse and punched in the security code to open the door. Then I just stood there, trying to decide if I should take the SUV or the Harley. It wasn't like it mattered; she'd probably end up with both. Damn, I really liked the Harley though.

I leaned back against the silver SUV at a complete loss. I had no idea what the hell I was supposed to do. What did guys normally do when they left their wives? They'd go to their girlfriend's, that's what. But I didn't have a girlfriend. I also didn't have any of my stuff. My clothes and the rest of my belongings were back inside. I obviously was not prepared for this. If I had known I'd be doing this, I probably would have read the manual. Was there a manual for something like this? Maybe I should have just Googled, "how to leave your wife," or "where to hide the stuff you don't want your wife to win in the settlement when you leave her," or even better, "how not to marry a coke-sniffing whore." I should have Googled _that_ three years ago. It would have saved me a whole lot of frustration right from the start.

Hillary and I met and got married on the same night in Vegas. She was a dancer…yeah, apparently I was _that_ guy. She was hot; I was horny—we were both really drunk. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, and when we'd woken up the next morning with a marriage certificate and vague memories of the night before, we had both been determined to make it work.

Before I met her, I spent fifteen years wandering from place to place looking for something, _anything_ that would take me away from what I really was. I longed for something that would help keep the pain at bay, someone who would help me forget. But nothing and no one could.

The day I ran was the last day I stepped foot in Forks and La Push. I ran hard and fast to get as far away as possible. I didn't have any contact with anyone who wasn't absolutely necessary. I called my dad on occasion, just to make sure he was still alive, but luckily, my sister and brother-in-law had moved in with him, so I no longer had to worry about him being alone.

I can't say how many different places I lived over those years, or how many different girls I'd been with. None of them mattered. They were just an easy way for me to forget for a few hours at night. I always hoped that one of them would turn out to be _it_ for me, that I would imprint and no longer be forced to live with a broken heart. But after so many years of nothing but one-night stands, I finally accepted that imprinting was something that wasn't going to happen for me.

I decided to stop phasing five years ago, two years before I met Hillary. I didn't want to be the wolf anymore. I didn't want to be a part of a world that had caused nothing but pain to me and the people I loved. I _wanted_ to pretend that that world didn't exist, and that every fucked up thing that had happened was just some ridiculous dream I'd had one night after eating too much pizza before bed. I wanted to pretend Bella Swan had been a figment of my imagination. I wanted to be human.

Eventually, I ended up in Vegas. I wandered into a club one night, and there she was, dancing in a giant birdcage while drunken men ogled her. I hadn't really been paying that much attention to her; the bottom of my bottle was the only thing I cared about at the time. The song changed, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her slide out through the bars. Then a scream rang out over the pounding music, and I turned to see some asshole grabbing her from behind, trying to pull her onto his lap. Next thing I knew, I was across the room, he was on the ground, and she was staring up at me with the lightest blue eyes I had ever seen. I bought her a drink, and the rest was history.

But not too long into our marriage, I learned she had a heavy appetite for what I called Hillary's three C's—Coach, cock, and coke—and I don't mean the sweet, liquid kind. Within a month of our marriage, she was running off with other guys and putting God-knows-what up her nose while I worked twelve hour shifts at the dealership. Then again, I couldn't say that I was completely faithful to her either. After putting up with her indiscretions for so long, I gave in to my desire for revenge and picked up a girl one night after work. I felt much better afterward.

Hillary and I were both two royally fucked up people, but at least I could say I tried. I worked my ass off for three years just so we could pay our bills while she blew any money she made on purses and drugs. There was only so much one person could take. I guess I'd finally had enough.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and felt my wallet but no keys. _Guess I'm not going to be taking either one now._ Seeing as I had no friends, I figured I'd be staying in a hotel for the night, and with no means of transportation and no cell phone to call a cab, I had a long walk ahead of me.

The sun was just starting to set when I began my walk down a street that was no longer mine. I couldn't say that I was going to miss the place—the fake grass, the yellow sand that covered everything in a thick layer when the wind blew, the matching, connected townhouses that often made me wonder if I was walking into the right house when I came home from work at night. The place was a far cry from Washington, a far cry from La Push.

But maybe that's why I'd stayed so long. Nothing there reminded me of home, and I could forget who I was and where I came from. I could live a life that wasn't mine, that shouldn't have been mine. I could do it without being known and without the guilt of knowing that I was turning my back on everything I had been raised to be. I could do it without my family or my pack knowing what kind of life I had chosen, what type of person I had become, and what I had let those leeches do to me. They may have not taken my blood, but they sure as hell sucked the life right out of me.

I didn't know how long I had been walking, but when I finally came out of my thoughts and noticed my surroundings, I found myself in the pitch-black darkness of the desert. The lights of the Vegas strip twinkled in the horizon behind me and the stars in the sky above me.

The stars! They were so bright I could literally see thousands at once. I laid down on my back in the sand and stared up at them like I had done so many times on First Beach. The only thing that was missing was the sounds of waves lapping onshore. I closed my eyes and could immediately hear it; the sound was impossible to forget. I often lulled myself to sleep at night just imagining it.

A couple of coyotes howled in the distance, and I figured it probably wasn't too safe for me to be out in the middle of the desert at night; man-eating creatures lived out here. Then again, I used to be able to take those creatures down with one swipe of my paw.

I remembered the feeling of power that I had back then. I remembered what it was like to be the strongest animal in the forest and how it felt to know that nothing else in existence matched my physical strength. And I remembered the seduction of possible immortality.

I hadn't realized how quickly the aging process was going to begin once I stopped phasing. When I was thirty, I'd looked like a twenty-five year old. It only took three years for my body to catch up to my true age. Now, at thirty-five years old, I looked like I was thirty-five years old. I'd even noticed a few gray hairs, some springing up in a couple of very odd places.

Good decision making had never been one of my talents, and there was no denying that I had completely fucked up my life. I had given up. The person I loved the most didn't love me back, and as she lay dying because she couldn't give up the demon that had used her body as nothing more than a host, I gave up on her. Instead of going back and fighting for her, instead of doing what I had initially set out to do when I walked away from Bella's broken and bloodied body and down those stairs, I turned tail and ran after her leech husband threw me out of the house through a plate-glass window. I should have gone back in and killed the thing. Even if I had to single-handedly take every last one of them down, even if they killed me first, I should have tried. I should have fought for her. But I didn't. I gave up.

Just thinking about it would stir the heat that would otherwise lay dormant in me. Normally, I would focus my thoughts on something else, and I would be able to push it back. But now, having turned my back on another life, and realizing I had failed yet again, I decided to let the heat consume me.

I quickly pulled off my clothes and tied them around my leg like I had done so many times in the past. Five years ago, I was able to phase instantly without even having to think about it. I could just do it, like some sort of ingrained ability. But now, it wasn't coming so easily. The heat that I'd lived with for years had tempered off, and in order to phase now, I'd have to build it back up again.

When it finally happened, it was slow, nothing like the rapid explosion of limbs and fur I was used to. As I tended to the fire that I'd let smolder for so long, the flame barely flickered at first, and slowly but powerfully grew until it finally engulfed me, and my body began to stretch and creak as it found its old form. For the first time in five years, I gave in to the wolf, and it didn't take long for the noise that came with it to return as well. Embry's mind was the first I heard.

_Holy shit, Jake! Is that really you?_

_Yeah, it's me._

_Hey, welcome back, man!_ Brady came through next.

_Thanks, I guess._

Then I heard the one voice I had missed the most._ What the hell? You married a coke-sniffing whore? What the fuck's wrong with you?_

_Hello, Leah._

_So you back or what?_

_I don't know. I don't know if I can face it yet._

_Jake, even if you don't stay, you need to come back, at least for a little while. Your dad, he misses you, and he's getting up there now; you know that. He's worried he's not going to see you again before he –_

Leah cut herself off mid-thought, but I knew what she was going to say. Last time I'd talked to him, he'd sounded tired and…old. Even after he ended up in the wheelchair, he was always so strong. It was scary to hear the way he sounded now, like he was fighting just to keep going. I was sure my running away had contributed to his declining health too.

_And we can use your help, Leah continued. Embry caught the scent of a leech near the rez a few days ago, and we've been tracking it ever since. It's been running back and forth between Forks and La Push. We think it's screwing with us, trying to throw us off. It hasn't tried to come onto the rez yet, but we're on constant patrol. We'll be ready when it does._

_Is it...one of them?_

_No. It's no one we recognize._

The hackles along my spine rose at the thought of my family once again being in danger because of another leech. It was the only thing that would convince me to return. _All right. I'll be there in a couple of hours._

_It'll be nice to have my alpha back, Jake._

Putting the lights of Vegas behind me, I started my trek north. After eighteen years of running, I was finally going home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN** - So, that's what Jake's been up to. Would you have even thought?

I got myself a beautiful banner to go along with this story, made by the extemely talented TwistedInMasen. If you're interested in seeing how I picture Renesmee in this fic, check it out on my profile.

Also, my pre-reader, Isecretlyliketwilight, has a Jake/Nessie fic of her own called **Providence**. You can find the link to it on my profile as well. Give her a shot!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N **- Yay! I didn't scare you off with the Jake chapter!

ISecretlyLikeTwilight is the best prereader ever! Thanks to PTB betas VixenLittleStella and Pirri.

I own nothing.

* * *

><p><strong>~ Renesmee ~<strong>

The lights of the city grew closer as my plane descended into Seattle. The sight was nothing new to me. I'd flown on quite a few red eye's and traveled all around the world with my family, but this time, something felt different. While I'd seen Paris and Greece, Nepal, the Congo, the Arctic, and everything in between, I knew that the simple town of Forks, Washington was going to have the greatest impact on me. It was where I came from.

The plane jerked as the tires hit the runway and began slowing to a stop, and my arm brushed the arm of the little girl sleeping in the seat next to me. Earlier in the flight, I'd learned that Shelby was nine years old, her parents had divorced when she was a baby, and she was on her way to visit her dad. It was a trip she took twice a year. She'd ended up on a later flight when her first flight had arrived late, and she missed her connection to Seattle.

She showed me a picture of her dad that she kept in her bag and told me he was going to take her to dinner at the Space Needle to celebrate her tenth birthday. We talked for about an hour before she finally dozed off. Her story made me kind of sad though. I couldn't imagine being separated from either of my parents, not even my father, even though we hadn't been getting along lately.

I had to admit, it was partly my own doing. It wasn't exactly ideal having a father who knew _everything_ that ran through your mind. Nothing could ever be private, and I guess as I got older I sort of resented him for it. I also knew that he knew I resented him, and so he tried with all of his might to not listen in and to not insert himself into my personal thoughts and feelings. It wasn't _his_ fault. I knew he would turn it off if he could. But it still drove me crazy not being able to have a single private thought, and I took a lot of my anger out on him. To me, it was just another curse to add to my lonely existence.

I put my hand on Shelby's arm with the intent of waking her up, but another idea crossed my mind. Instead, I sent her an image of her with her dad at the Space Needle, standing together and looking out at the Seattle skyline. My father would surely lecture me about doing such things if he knew, but I didn't see any harm in it. She'd just think it was a dream. A small smile crept across her face, and I waited another minute before nudging her awake. She looked up at me with sleepy eyes. "Are we here?"

"Yes, we're here."

I threw my carry-on bag over my shoulder, waited patiently to get off the plane, and waved goodbye to my new friend as the exhausted little girl used what was left of her energy and ran to her dad standing in the terminal. He picked her up and carried her as they walked away, soon disappearing in the sea of people.

I made my way through the gate, down the escalator to the baggage claim, and looked for the guy who was supposed to be my ride to Forks, all the while replaying in my mind the conversation I'd had with my father just before I got on the plane.

"_Charlie's not going to be able to pick you up from the airport. He got called onto a case. But he's sending Seth to meet you instead."_

"_Who's Seth?"_

"_He's…a friend."_

I'd asked what he looked like, so that I would know who I was looking for, but my father said I'd know him when I saw him. I wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but I scanned the faces in the crowd, each wearing eager and anxious expressions as they awaited the first sight of their loved ones. This was utterly ridiculous. How the hell was I supposed to recognize someone I didn't know?

That was when my eyes stopped on what must have been the happiest looking guy I had ever seen. He smiled from ear to ear, and if it had been daytime, I swear his teeth probably would have reflected the sun. He was looking directly at me, and I couldn't help but shake my head at the fact my father was right. I knew him.

My memory was a funny thing. Like the other vampires in my family, I had the ability to remember everything, every second of my life. However, unlike the rest of them, it usually took some sort of reminder to nudge the memories out of the recesses of my brain, much like a human's.

I remembered Seth. He'd held me once, briefly, when I was a baby, and I remembered the warmth I felt coming off of him when he did. He was the first person who held me who was warm, and I liked the warmth much better than the cold chill I'd feel from the rest of my family. It made me feel safe and protected.

He'd been much younger then, obviously. Now he looked to be in his early thirties; I noticed a few wrinkles were gathered around his eyes as he smiled. I couldn't help but smile back at him, and I slowly made my way through the crowd. As I got closer, I also noticed his size. At six foot five, Emmett was indeed the largest man I had ever seen, but Seth came close, probably just a couple of inches shorter and a couple of pounds lighter.

"Hi, Seth."

"Hi, Renesmee!" Seth pulled me into a hug, his physical warmth encompassing me, and I was instantly transported back to that day he held me as a baby, when everyone was waiting on pins and needles to see if my mother would survive the change.

We'd left Forks a day after she'd awoke. I hadn't even gotten to meet Charlie yet, but a few weeks after we left, he'd shown up at our new home in Montana, hell bent on seeing my mother. Of course, Alice had seen him coming, and so everyone was prepared when he arrived. I never knew how he'd found out where we lived, but now, after seeing Seth again and knowing he and my parents had remained friends all this time, I was pretty sure he'd had something to do with it.

"Eep!" I squeaked as Seth squeezed all of the air out of me in his hug.

"Oh, sorry," he said, releasing his grip. "I just got excited to see you for a second. It's been so long. I can't believe you're grown up now. How did you know who I was?"

"Um." I shrugged and tried to answer as nonchalantly as I could so I didn't blow my cover. I wasn't exactly sure how much Seth knew about me, and I needed to keep my guard up until I could find out. "My parents just told me to look for the biggest, happiest guy I could find. I figured you were it."

Seth chuckled, and I was pretty sure it echoed throughout the entire airport. "They know me well. C'mon, let's go get your bags and get out of here. We've got a good three hour's drive to Forks."

We picked up my luggage, loaded it into Seth's white SUV, and began the drive to Forks. While most people might be slightly uncomfortable spending all of that time alone with someone they barely knew, Seth was really easy to be around, and we spent the first half of the drive chatting.

I glanced over at the steering wheel and saw a gold band across his left ring finger. I'd also noticed another peculiar thing about him, something I hadn't realized was odd until just then – his scent. His wasn't the normal human smell; his was musky, almost animal-like. I tried to brush the thought aside, but I couldn't help but wonder if there was more to him. He'd known my parents after all. He'd held me as a baby while my mother was in the next room turning into a vampire. My father said he was a friend and that I could trust him. So, he had to know what _I _was, right? And, if that was the case, then it would be safe to assume he was something not quite human as well. Humans weren't supposed to know about us. I wasn't exactly sure how to ask him that particular question though, so I went with the first thing that came to mind.

"So, uh, how long have you been married?" That was subtle enough, I thought.

His bright smile returned at my question. "Eleven years."

"Wow! So, you must have gotten married pretty young then. How old are you, about thirty?"

"Thirty-two. Yeah, it's was just one of those things. When you know, you know."

"That's great. Is she from Forks, too?"

"No, Marisa is from the Makah reservation, but we met in La Push. She was visiting some relatives when we bumped into each other on First Beach."

An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. La Push, First Beach…he was talking about all of the places my family had warned me not to go. My suspicions about Seth were increasing, but I still couldn't be positive he was what I thought he was. I had never actually been near one before, so how could I be sure?

"Um, so, why were you in La Push?"

"I live there. La Push is my home, born and raised." Seth smiled again, but that was all of the confirmation I needed. I knew why he didn't smell human; it was because he wasn't. And with everything I had been taught about them – their large size, their distinctive scent, their home being La Push – all signs were beginning to point to Seth being a wolf.

My family had warned me about the wolves my entire life. They were our enemy, and if we crossed the La Push boundary line, they would kill us without a second thought. So_ why_ had they just thrown me to one?

"You okay? You got awfully quiet all of a sudden. Are you hungry? We could stop and get something to eat."

I shook my head and silently considered my options. I could text someone, Alice maybe, and ask her if Seth was what I thought he was and why my parents thought it sane to let me sit alone in a car for hours with a dog. Or I could just flat out ask him. But what if he _didn't_ know what my family was, what I was? I'd surely be signing my death warrant then.

My parents' lack of information was really starting to grate on my nerves, and I couldn't help but wonder if they had done it on purpose to teach me what they assumed to be some sort valuable lesson. But then again, that had been the point of the trip – to find out about myself, to learn where I had come from. Seth had to have known about us. He _had _to.

"You've known my parents for a long time."

"Yeah, since before you were born."

"So, you're aware of their condition then, I assume."

"If you're referring to their dietary requirements, then yes, I'm aware. Oh, _oh_! I'm so sorry, I should have thought of that. Do you need to? I mean, we can stop if you like. There's nothing but forest for miles around here."

Okay, so he knew what we were, but this still wasn't giving me the answer I really needed. _Time for another tactic._

"No, I'm fine. I guess, what I'm trying to ask you is, since you know my parents and our um, dietary requirements, and seeing as how you're from La Push, does that mean that you're, um, well that you're aware of other…_things_, too?" _Crap, Renesmee, quit rambling and just say it already._ "You're not entirely human either, are you?"

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Didn't Edward and Bella tell you about me?"

I shook my head, and Seth sighed.

"I was a wolf when I was younger, but I haven't phased in quite a few years, not since I got married to be exact."

"But you knew about my family? You were friends with my parents when you were a wolf?"

"Yeah. I looked up to Edward. He was a good guy. Still is."

"But I thought, I mean…I was always told the wolves were our enemies, that they would kill us without a second thought."

"Well, we were enemies at first, but it wasn't all black and white back then. A lot of things happened, and after a while, we – the wolves and your family – depended on each other. We watched out for each other, you could say, right up until you were born." Seth hesitated for a moment. "Don't get me wrong, Renesmee, we were allies back _then_, but some members of the pack wouldn't hesitate to kill you in an instant if you crossed the treaty line now. Things have changed. Most of us, the older ones, have imprinted and given up the wolf life. But there are some that still hold harsh feelings toward _all_ vampires, even the vegetarian kind."

Seth paused and seemed to zone out for a second before speaking again.

"You look like them, you know? That's the first thing I thought when I saw you today. You look just like Edward, but your eyes…geez, they're exactly like Bella's were before she changed."

I leaned my head back against my seat and looked out of the window and into the dark forest that surrounded us.

_Yeah._

_I know._

#

It was nearly three a.m. when we finally reached Grandpa Charlie's house. He still hadn't gotten back from work, so Seth showed me around inside and led me up to what would be my bedroom for the next couple of weeks. He left my bags by the door and said he would rest on the couch until Charlie got home, so I wouldn't have to be alone in an unfamiliar place. Wolf or not, he was really a sweet guy, and his wife was surely a lucky woman to have found him.

I began unpacking some items I would need for the night but was quickly distracted by thoughts of all of the memories that must have been contained in this room – my mother's old bedroom. She had told me everything that she could remember, much to my father's chagrin, about what had happened in this room: how my father would sneak in and watch her sleep and how, after she learned this and _still_ forgave him for being a Creepy McCreeperton, he then spent every night here lying next to her while she slept.

They'd had one of the most beautiful love stories I'd ever heard, but really, all of my family did. Their stories were powerful and unique, stories that one could compare to those written in any work of classical literature. I often wondered if I would ever have a story as romantic and fairytale-like as theirs' were, though I was quite sure I wouldn't.

The length of the trip combined with jet lag was finally catching up with me, and I sluggishly changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed utterly exhausted. I pulled the faded purple comforter around me, and for a second I swear I caught both the scent of my father and the human scent of my mother, a scent I had only ever experienced once briefly after my birth. I pulled the comforter up to my face and took a few more deep breaths in through my nose, trying in vain to find it again, before finally admitting to myself that it was gone.

I awoke to another scent the next morning – coffee and bacon. That could only mean one thing, and I bounded out of bed and down the stairs without even changing out of my pajamas. I froze at the entryway of the small kitchen, staring at Grandpa Charlie as he sat at the table, sipping his coffee and reading the paper, just like he did every morning when he visited us. He looked tired and a bit older since the last time I'd seen him. Anyone else might not have noticed the minute changes in him, but thanks to super-power-vampire-vision, I noticed even the slightest changes. He looked up at me with a wide smile as he stood and walked over to me.

"Heya, kiddo!" He pulled me into a bear hug, and I instantly felt the way I always did when I was with him – warm, safe, and loved.

"Hi, Grandpa. I missed you."

"I missed you too. Come and sit down, I made breakfast," he said, leading me over to the small table.

"You _cooked_?" I asked in disbelief.

"Despite anything your mother might have told you, young lady, I can in fact cook. I just usually _choose_ not to."

I held back a laugh. "Oh," I said simply, taking a seat at the table, still not entirely believing him, and looked around the small kitchen. It was definitely old fashioned but very comfortable, as was the rest of the house. I wondered what memories lived in here, and if there was anyone other than Grandpa Charlie who remembered them. The thought that he'd been here all alone for so long created an ache in my chest, and I instantly regretted not coming to visit before. Eighteen years was too long for someone to be left all alone. I could feel the tears begin to build, and as much as I tried to fight them off, a couple managed to escape, and with them came the subsequent runny nose. I sniffled, and Grandpa Charlie turned to me from where he stood at the stove. _Damn humanity._

"Hey, hey, what's this now?" He walked over, carrying a plate of bacon and fried eggs, the breakfast of champions, and set it down in front of me before taking his seat at the table.

Then I completely lost it, and the words came out in between hysterical sobs. What the hell was wrong with me lately? "I'm just sor-sorry that I never came to visit be-before. I should have…I should have come sooner."

"Well, you're here now, and that's what matters. Now, just stop with…that," he said, waving his hand in my direction. "None of that is allowed in this house."

I took in a few deep breaths, cleared my nose with one last big sniffle, and wiped my face with the back of my hands. "Okay, Grandpa. I'm okay." _I'm not always such a sniveling idiot._

He filled my glass with some orange juice that was sitting on the table and placed it in front of me. "Here, drink this. It will help some."

I did as I was told and was happy to find it was the kind with extra pulp. I liked extra pulp. I set the empty glass down and glanced at Grandpa Charlie, who was waiting tensely for me to pull myself together. I smiled, and he finally relaxed in his seat.

"All right, so, let's talk. I heard you got yourself into a little trouble at school."

I sighed and stared down intensely at the remaining traces of pulp at the bottom of my glass. I could deal with disappointing my parents, but just the thought of disappointing Grandpa Charlie was almost enough to start the tears flowing again. This time, though, I succeeded in fighting them back. "Would it make you feel better if I told you I was just defending myself from the unwanted advances of a boy?"

He remained quiet for a moment, and I began to worry that he didn't believe my explanation before he finally responded and brought a wave of relief over me. "Yes, yes it would. And in that case, despite what your parents might think about the matter, _I_ would tell you to keep up the good work."

A shocked laugh escaped me, and I looked back up at him to see him smiling. "Yes, Grandpa, I promise to get myself suspended anytime a boy comes too close."

"That's my girl. Now eat," he said, patting my hand and standing up from the table.

"Thanks, Grandpa, but it's a little greasy."

"Greasy?" Grandpa Charlie huffed. "Grease is good for you. It'll put hair on your chest; definitely keep the boys away then."

_Hmph._ I pushed around the grease bomb that sat on my plate, wondering how I was going to get it down. How could humans eat that stuff? Maybe I could spit it into my napkin or something; that's what they always did on TV. Either that or feed it to the dog under the table, but Grandpa Charlie didn't have a dog, thank God!

"So, I've got a few hours before I have to go in to the station today. Thought I could show you around Forks a bit, give you the VIP tour."

"Sure, that sounds great, Grandpa."

"Alright, well, eat up and we'll get going."

Grandpa Charlie walked out of the kitchen and as soon as the coast was clear, I grabbed my plate, dumped it into the garbage, and washed my dishes. Then I chugged down two more glasses of orange juice to help get me through until lunch.

I quickly washed the glass and had just put it up in the cabinet when my stomach growled angrily, and I knew that no matter how I tried to get around it, it was inevitable: I was going to have to survive on human food for a while. _Crap_. I knew I should have stashed a case of Pop Tarts in my luggage.

It was going to be a long two weeks.

* * *

><p><strong>AN** - Rec time!

What if there was a force that was potentially even more powerful than imprinting, and it changed the dynamics of the pack all together? My friend Wolfasaurus has this ridiculously awesome Jake/OC AU wolf pack fic where she explores this idea called **Legacy.** Yes, I said Jake/OC, but this OC is so original and much more well written than most that you really care about her and like her. It's really worth a try, even if you can't see Jake without Nessie. Give it a shot. Please! .net/s/7541827/1/Legacy


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for coming back!  
>Many thanks to my prereader Isecretlyliketwilight and betas Madmum and SqueakyZorro! I own nothing.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>-Jake-<strong>

It'd been a while since I'd heard the sound of crunching cartilage. I had to give Paul credit; he hadn't lost his touch over the years. And if I hadn't completely deserved it, I would have returned the favor.

I'd decided it would probably be rude of me to just walk in since I hadn't lived there for years, so I knocked and waited, and Paul's fist was the first thing I saw after the door swung open. Not exactly the welcome home I'd been expecting.

"_You think you can just show back up here like nothing has changed?"_ he fumed, standing at the doorway of my dad's house.

I guess I should have known he would be there. A couple of years after I'd left, he and Rachel had moved in when my dad's health began to decline. I was grateful for that. Paul had been around to help keep up the house, which otherwise would've been in bad shape by now. From the outside, it looked exactly like it had the day I ran. The paint had obviously been touched up since then, but the color was still the same burnt red. That was one thing about my dad; he didn't like to change things much, and I could probably assume that the inside of the house hadn't changed either.

Once I'd set my nose back in place, I looked over at Paul, who was very obviously guarding the front door. "Where's my dad?"

"Rachel took him to dialysis."

"Dialysis? Why? Is something wrong?"

"Of course something's wrong, _Jake_," Paul hissed, anger clearly evident in his voice. "He's _sick_, just like he was when you left. Only now, he's old, too, and his body's giving out on him. Where the hell have you been, man?"

I just stood there and shook my head. I had no answer for him. I didn't even have an answer for myself. "Can I come in?"

Paul took a step forward, blocking my way even more. "No."

"It's my house."

"No, it's not. It hasn't been your house for eighteen years." A low growl rumbled deep in his chest, and I was sure he was going to phase on me, but he just clenched his fists at his sides and locked his jaw. "The fuck if I'm gonna let you back in here. You've caused enough pain."

Who the hell hired the guard dog? Paul had always been a hard-ass, but I couldn't believe the fucker wasn't going to let me into my own house. But I reluctantly bit back my anger and conceded. "Fine," I growled, stepping back and taking a seat on the front step. "I'll just wait then. What time will they be back?"

"The center's in Port Angeles. I'd say you got a good two hours – at least." I couldn't see him with my back turned, but I swear I could hear the bastard smirk.

"I got nowhere to be, man, nowhere at all."

Paul huffed a breath before slamming the door behind me. The fucker. Who did he think he was, keeping me out of my own house? I could hear him stomping around inside, having some sort of temper tantrum. The vibrations traveled through the wood floor and all the way out to the front steps, so of course, I couldn't resist messing with him a little. "What the hell, Paul? What are you doing, _redecorating_?"

The commotion inside stopped, and I waited for some sort of response from him but heard nothing. He obviously wasn't going to let me in, and there really was no sense in just sitting there for two hours. Maybe Quil would be happy to see me. Or maybe he wouldn't, but I could at least hope he wouldn't break my nose.

I stood up and made it halfway to the road when I heard the door open, and Paul came charging up behind me, slamming me to the ground. I flipped myself over just to be met with another one of his fists, this time right below my left eye.

"Get off me!"

"Not until you admit it!"

"Admit…what?" I grunted, pushing him off of me and jumping to my feet before he could get at me again.

"Admit that you fucked up. That you were wrong to just leave while the rest of us had to hold the bag for you."

"Paul, I get it, okay. I was wrong. I fucked up. Why do you think I came back?"

"No, Jake, I don't think you do get it. You didn't just fuck up, man; you hurt people. You hurt your family, your dad, your sisters. You let them down, and you let the tribe down." Paul began to walk away before turning back and shoving me with all of his weight, causing me to stumble back. "Fuck you, man! Do you know how much shit I've had to deal with because of you? I have my own family to take care of; I shouldn't have to take care of yours, too. And you missed our wedding – do you know how much that hurt Rachel? I don't like to see her in pain, man. And all because of what? Because some dumb bitch broke your heart? And you're _still_ hung up on her. She's dead and fucking gone. Why can't you accept that?"

The rage was beginning to build up in me, and I worked to fight it back. "She's not dead."

"_Bella Swan is dead, Jake!_ And Bella Cullen is a vampire." Paul turned and headed back toward the house. "You really need to come to grips with that shit before you lose the rest of what little you have left."

"Ha! What little I have left. You wanna know what I have left, Paul? Nothing. I have nothing! What I had left was my family, but you seem to have taken over my place in it just fine."

Paul turned back toward me and snickered. "That's what you think, Jake? I'm pretty sure Billy would disagree with you on that."

"Well, I wouldn't know since you won't let me in my own house!"

Paul let out a long sigh and shook his head. "Fine. Do whatever the hell you want. I give up."

I slowly followed Paul into the house, and just as I'd figured, the inside hadn't changed much, either. It was strange being back, though. It still looked like my home, but it didn't feel like it. I felt like a stranger and that I didn't belong there.

Paul proceeded to ignore me, grabbing a can of beer from the fridge and plopping down on the couch in front of the TV, so I made my way down the hall to my bedroom. I gave the door a little push and it squeaked open the rest of the way.

I froze. Every poster, every picture, every piece of crap that littered my walls and dresser was in the same spot I had left it. I could tell that it had been dusted regularly, but otherwise it remained seemingly untouched.

I walked over to my dresser and picked up the unfinished wood carving I had been working on before I left. The wolf looked up at me happily while a faceless teenage girl stood next to him. The face that belonged on it immediately popped into my head, and I haphazardly threw the carving in the corner and then fell back onto my bed.

The room still smelled the same. The woodsy scent of the house combined with that of sweaty, teenage boy lingered in the stale air, and I wondered how I could stand it back then. Of course, back then, I probably hadn't even noticed.

I rolled over to open the window to air out the room when I glanced across the yard to the garage, and the memories of all of the time I had spent in there with Bella came rushing at me. I swallowed back the lump that was beginning to form in my throat and quickly turned away. I definitely wasn't ready to go back to that place just yet, so I headed out to the living room and sat down on the couch next to Paul. We silently watched a soccer game that was playing on some satellite sports channel. I knew satellite TV had to have been Paul's doing. No way would my dad ever have gone for that himself. He'd always been happy with his plain old rabbit ears.

I looked over at Paul and studied him for a minute. I couldn't believe how much he had changed since the last time I'd seen him. "Dude, you look all old and shit."

"So do you, fuckwad. What's up with that anyway? I thought you kept phasing for a while?"

"I did, but it catches up with you fast once you stop, almost like it had never even happened."

"But you decided to go back?"

I shrugged. "Guess it wasn't so easy giving up the wolf when I didn't actually have a reason to." I stopped, remembering what Paul had said earlier about his and Rachel's wedding. My dad had told me about it back when it happened, but I guess I was too self-absorbed at the time to really care about anything that didn't involve myself. "So, I guess we're brothers-in-law now, huh?"

Paul nodded. "Yup. Some brother you turned out to be." He grabbed his can of cheap beer sitting on the table next to him and slurped down a sip. Still as classy as ever.

I shook my head. I didn't know what it was exactly my sister saw in him. He might not have had a choice when it came to the imprint, but she sure did. She'd fought tooth and nail against the imprint at first, wanting nothing to do with him. And really, no one could blame her; he was Paul after all. Who'd want to spend the rest of her life with him? But somehow he'd done something to convince her, and soon she'd fallen just as bad for him, the wedding pictures lining the walls around me proof.

I wondered if I had imprinted on Bella, would she have fought it as well, or would she have eventually come around, leaving that leech of hers to throw himself into the flaming embers of hell where he so rightfully belonged. I tried to focus my attention back on the game, but the more I tried not to think about him, the more he popped into my head, smirking at me like he had just won the prize. Soon enough, I could feel the heat growing inside of me, and I wasn't the only one.

"Dude, go the fuck outside if you're gonna do that shit. I don't want to have to clean up anymore of your mess."

I quickly pulled myself together, and Paul and I sat in silence after that for most of the afternoon, watching the rest of the game, when finally an old, noisy engine rumbled outside as my dad's old pickup truck pulled into the yard. I suddenly wanted to puke. This was it, the moment I had been dreading the most...time to face my family.

The first truck door slammed shut followed by the second a minute later, and my dad's chair squeaked as it rolled up the old wooden ramp I had built for him so many years ago.

I sunk even deeper into the couch, and Paul turned to me and smiled. "I'm gonna enjoy this."

Bastard.

Taking one last deep breath, I stood up and moved over to the small kitchen table, standing to the side of it just as the front door swung open and my dad rolled in, a paper bag full of groceries sitting in his lap. He kept his eyes on the floor as he maneuvered his way inside, not looking up until I nervously cleared my throat, making my presence known. When he finally did look up at me, his mouth dropping open in shock, I couldn't help but gasp at his appearance. I'd seen it in the minds of Leah and Embry, but in person it was even harder to take.

He was an old man, frail and gaunt. His hair, once the same color as mine, had turned almost completely white. But what hurt me the most were his eyes. Once they had displayed his youth and happiness; now they looked tired and sad. And I knew in an instant it was my fault.

"Here, let me help with that," I said, quickly pulling myself out of my thoughts and reaching for the bag on his lap.

"Jacob?"

"Hi, Dad." I placed the grocery bag on the table and knelt down in front of him. He instantly reached for me, pulling me into a hug.

"How are you, son?"

"Uh, I'm okay," I answered as we both loosened out grips on each other. The front door swung open again and Rachel walked in, carrying another grocery bag in her arm. She stopped as soon as she saw me, and I stood up to greet her. "Hey, Rach."

Her glare told me everything I needed to know. She walked over to the kitchen table, threw the bag down, and stormed off down the hallway, slamming her bedroom door behind her. Paul sighed and quickly stood up, sending me a glare of his own as he went after her.

I looked back at my dad, and he just shook his head. "You know how your sister gets sometimes. She'll come around."

Yeah. I wasn't so sure about that.

"Come, son. Sit. I'll make us some coffee."

I took a seat at the kitchen table and waited for my dad to finish with the coffee pot. He always preferred to make his own coffee – said no one else ever got it right – so we learned not to fight with him when it came to brewing his cup of joe. Finally, he pushed the on button and wheeled back over.

"Should you really be drinking coffee? Paul told me about the dialysis."

"A cup of coffee every now and then isn't going to kill me, Jacob. The damage is already done."

I cringed at his words. I couldn't help but wonder if it had been because of me. "What is it?" I asked, though I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

"Kidney failure, a complication from the diabetes. They wanted to add me to the organ recipient waiting list, but I refused."

"_What? Why?_ Why would you refuse that, Dad?"

"Because I'm old, and I've lived a long and wonderful life, and it isn't fair for me to take that same opportunity away from someone else."

"How long?"

He shrugged. "The doctors don't really know. Some people can live for years on dialysis. And I may not look it, but I feel great. I'm gonna be around a while. No need to worry about that just yet, son." He reassuringly patted my hand on the table. "Now, how about that coffee?"

"Sure, sure. I'll get it." I got up, poured two cups, set one down in front of my dad, and took my seat, slumping over the kitchen table. After a minute of silence, I nervously began twisting the mug in front of me and waited for _him _to say something because I was too much of a coward to start the conversation.

"Jake?"

I stopped and looked across at him, and he motioned to my left hand. "I take it you're no longer with Hillary."

"Oh, no," I said, twisting my hand from around the coffee mug so I could see nothing but the faded mark on my now bare ring finger. "It didn't exactly work out. She wanted more than I could give her, I guess."

He nodded his head and gave me an understanding smile. "It happens."

The awkward silence returned, and even though I kept my eyes focused on my coffee, I could feel his burning a hole right through me. I took a sip before finally forcing myself to say something. "Dad, I-"

"Jacob, don't." His voice was hard, cutting me off. "I don't even want to hear it. I'm tired of hearing it. You seem to think you're the only person in the world who's ever suffered, who's ever been hurt. We all suffer, Jacob. At some point in our lives, we all lose. But what distinguishes us is how we choose to react to it. Because that's what it is, Jacob. It's a choice. When your mother died, I made a choice to go on and raise you and your sisters to the best of my ability. And when Bella died, you made a choice to leave your family behind. Even Charlie has managed to go on with his life, but you can't. Why?"

"Because she's not dead."

"But she is," he said, now with a softer tone in his voice. "That girl who used to come over and hang out with you in the garage, that girl you used to ride motorbikes with, she's dead. And that was _her_ choice."

I hid my face in my arms on the table. I knew he was right. He was always right. And I was an idiot.

"I've tried to let her go, you know. I've really tried. I even got married, for Christ's sake, but nothing's worked."

"I know, son. I know."

"How did you let her go? Mom, I mean, when she died. How did you just let her go?"

"I had to, Jacob. If I hadn't, I would've ended up just like you are now. And with three kids, that wasn't an option."

We were both quiet again, but this time it was strangely comforting.

"So, how long are you back for?"

I lifted my head up and could see the hope in my dad's eyes that I was back for good this time. I didn't know the answer to that yet, so I gave him the only answer I could for the moment. "Leah said there's been a leech around. I can't leave until that's taken care of and I know the rez is safe again," I said, hopefully appeasing him for the time being.

"Well, you know you're welcome here, for as long as you need."

I wasn't sure what I was expecting to happen, coming back to La Push. I guess I'd thought someone would be happy to see me, but all I ended up with was a disappointed father, an angry sister, and one very annoying brother-in-law. But I was home, and when I woke up the next morning from the best night's sleep I'd had in years, even though my feet had hung over the edge of my bed all night, I slowly started to feel like maybe I had finally made the right choice.

* * *

><p>This week's story rec is pretty much any story by <strong>todream<strong>. If you haven't read any of her Jake/Nessie fics, you have no idea what you're missing! She puts us all to shame with her stories. Her **Hold On** is one of my top three favorite stories of all time and one of the stories that inspired me to try writing my own. I'm a complete fangirl over her! You can find her on my favorites list.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- **I'm not even going to try to explain or excuse why this chapter took so long. I appreciate everyone who's stuck with me. Thank you!

Thanks to my kick-ass pre-reader Isecretlyliketwilight, and betas SqueakyZorro and Madmum.

I own nothing.

* * *

><p><strong>~Renesmee~<strong>

After a quick shower and a phone call to my parents, in which I decided not to mention anything I had learned about Seth – that would be a conversation best left to when I was back home – I met Grandpa Charlie downstairs to begin my very own personal tour of Forks.

The tour, if one could even call it that, consisted of a ride through town in his police cruiser, checking out the "sights" as he called them. We saw a couple of his local fishing holes, the high school where my parents met, the hospital where Carlisle had worked, a diner, and finally the Forks Police Station. How the human teenagers didn't die of boredom in this town was beyond me.

"Have to make a quick run inside, kiddo," Grandpa Charlie said as he pulled up in front of the station. "Wanna see where your old Grandpa spends his days?"

"Sure, Grandpa." I hopped out of the cruiser and quickly imagined the bustling city police stations I'd seen on TV and in movies – criminals handcuffed to chairs, scantily clad prostitutes being led to their jail cells, detectives trading barbs at each other over the shrill rings of telephones – but as we walked inside, I realized the police station was just like everything else in this town: dead as a doornail.

"Wait here, kiddo. I'll be right back." Grandpa Charlie headed further back into the station, and I waited in the empty reception area, scanning a community bulletin board that hung on the wood-paneled wall. The notices covering it told of garage sales, town ordinances, and an upcoming town picnic. If I hadn't been the end result of it, I never would have believed anything remotely exciting could have ever happened in Forks.

Hearing the sound of footsteps behind me, I turned around to see a police officer enter the reception area. His newly receding hairline and shallow crow's feet hinted that he was probably creeping into his forties. Then I caught his eyes as they noticeably scrolled up and down the length of my body, and there was a smarmy tone to his voice when he spoke. "Hello, miss. Can I help you with something?"

Just great. It never freaking failed; anytime I went anywhere new, someone always tried to come on to me. And it wasn't always men; women did it too! I blamed my father for this. He was the one who passed along his dazzling vampire genes.

Remembering Grandpa Charlie was just around the corner, I fought back the urge to slap the douchebag and replied politely. "No. Thank you, though. I was just reading all of your fliers here while I wait."

He took a step closer and smirked. "Well, who are you waiting for?"

As he encroached farther into my bubble of personal space, I began to wonder if he did this with other women, too**.** I wouldn't doubt it. He was probably one of those cops that proposed sexual favors in lieu of speeding tickets. Someone needed to teach the scumbag a lesson, and I immediately started to think of ways I could take him down without making myself this town's version of Zsa Zsa Gabor. A plan formed in my mind – if I could just keep this guy going until Grandpa Charlie walked back in and saw one of his officers making his granddaughter-slash-niece very uncomfortable, he'd be relieved from duty in no time, I'd get to see Grandpa Charlie kick someone's ass, and I'd surely be saving Forks' female population from any unwanted advances by this guy. It would surely be a win-win for everyone. I couldn't help but smirk as I took a step closer to him and answered his question. "Chief Swan."

"Oh? Well, maybe I can help you with whatever it is your waiting for. The Chief's a busy man, but I got all the time in the world for a beautiful woman like yourself."

I faked a shy smile and giggled, and he took another step closer to me, eliminating the rest of the space between us. Because of my exceptional auditory abilities, only I could hear the footsteps that were sneaking around the corner behind us, and I was just about to turn on the waterworks when I realized who those footsteps belonged to and that my whole plan was shot. The familiar voice sounded from behind the reception counter. "Bit young for you, Tucker, don't you think?"

The police officer turned around toward the voice. "What's it to you, Clearwater? Ain't you married?"

"I am," Seth replied, walking around the counter, sitting in one of the waiting area chairs, and propping his feet up on the magazine table in front him. "I'm just here for the show, actually."

"And what show is that, exactly?"

Seth smiled. "Oh, you know, the one where the Chief hands you your ass for hitting on his eighteen-year-old niece."

The officer turned back to me, and I just shrugged and smirked at him. "Nice to meet you. I'm Vanessa Swan. I guess you know my uncle Charlie."

Seemingly annoyed, he huffed, turned, and stormed off, back to wherever he'd come from I presumed.

I smiled and turned to Seth. "You ruined my fun, you know."

Seth laughed and stood up. "Sorry. His name's Steve Tucker. Doesn't care for me much – thinks I stole his promotion. But he's always got a stick up his ass about something or other, not to mention the fact that he seems to forget his manners _and_ his age around women, and trust me, he's way too old for you."

"Who's too old for you?" Grandpa Charlie asked, finally walking back out to the front.

"Officer Tucker," Seth answered.

Grandpa Charlie's eyes widened, and he looked at Seth and then turned his attention onto me. "Now hear this. There will be no boys. This is a boy-free trip. I'll be damned if another one of my girls is going to come to this town and get all boy-crazy and then leave here with husbands and other whatnots. Nope, not this time, missy."

I looked over at Seth, who was trying to hold in his laughter, and I fought to keep mine back as well. "Okay, Charlie. I promise, no boys."

"Hmph."

Just then, the door to the station swung open, and a woman walked in carrying a small, blue cooler and wearing the same copper skin and huge smile as Seth. I had no doubt they had to be related. "Well, if it isn't my two favorite men. I brought you both some lunch." She walked over to Seth and hugged him then stopped and smiled at Grandpa Charlie. "Hi, Charlie."

Grandpa Charlie blushed then cleared his throat. "Hello, Sue." He was quiet for a minute before seeming to remember there were others in the room.

"Uh, Sue, this is Re…uh, Vanessa, my niece. Vanessa, this is Mrs. Clearwater, Seth's mom."

She turned, and I immediately noticed the apprehension in her eyes as she looked at me. Could she have known about me, what I was? She surely had to have known what Seth was, and if she did, then it would make sense for her to know about me as well. I looked at Seth, and he nervously kept his gaze on her, confirming my suspicions.

I didn't want her to be afraid of me. I'd always hated the thought of somebody fearing me, of thinking that I was some kind of monster. Luckily, no other human knew the truth about me, so it had never been something I'd encountered before. I needed to show her I wasn't any danger to her, but I wasn't quite sure what to do to ease her fears, so I did the only thing I could think of – I extended my hand out to her, hoping my politeness would put her at ease and that she would reciprocate. "Hello, Mrs. Clearwater. It's very nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too…_Vanessa_." Mrs. Clearwater hesitated for a brief second before taking my hand in hers and inhaling a very quick breath as she held it. "And please, call me Sue." Quickly letting go of my hand, she turned toward Seth. "Seth, may I speak with you for a moment?"

"Sure, Mom," Seth said as he led Sue back into the station.

I turned to Grandpa Charlie and caught him watching her as she walked away, the pink tint still coloring his face.

"So, who's that?"

He turned back to me, and I smiled as the pink quickly turned beet red. "She's…no one."

"No one? Really? Could have fooled me. Grandpa Charlie's got a girlfriend," I teased in a low whisper.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Well, why not? She looks at you like she wants to be."

Grandpa Charlie huffed and looked back toward the direction Sue and Seth had walked in. "It's complicated."

"It's not complicated. She seems to like you, and you obviously like her. So at least give it a shot. What have you got to lose?"

He was quiet for a long moment before finally answering. "Everything."

I wasn't sure what exactly he meant by that, and Seth and Sue walked back in before I could ask.

"So, Charlie, got time for some lunch?" Sue asked, holding up the cooler.

"Uh, actually, it looks like I'm going to have to stick around the station. Something's come up with that case from last night. Sorry, kiddo, we're gonna have to cut the rest of your tour short."

_Ain't that a bummer. "_Oh, well, that's okay, Charlie. Maybe another day."

Grandpa Charlie patted my shoulder, as if to console me from the disappointment, I assumed. "You mind bringing her home, Seth?"

"Sure, Chief. No sweat."

I hugged Grandpa Charlie and waved a polite goodbye to Sue before following Seth into his SUV. "You didn't tell me you worked for Grandpa Charlie," I said, slamming the door shut.

Seth nodded, and he pulled the SUV out of the station parking lot and onto the main road through town. "Have for a few years now."

"Oh." I took a deep breath before continuing. "So, your mom knows what I am."

Seth sighed. "Yeah, she knows."

"She doesn't like me." I replied, stating what had been clearly obvious to everyone in the room, except maybe Grandpa Charlie.

"I wouldn't say that. She doesn't know you, so she can't really like or not like you."

"Okay, but she's scared of me though."

Seth hesitated. "More like apprehensive. She's nervous about you staying with Charlie."

"I would never hurt Grandpa Charlie! Or anyone else for that matter!"

"Not intentionally, no."

"Not by accident either! No one in my family would!" My heart began to pound as I grew even more upset at Seth's suggestion that I would harm Grandpa Charlie, and he reached over and quickly squeezed my hand in reassurance.

"Renesmee, I know. I know neither you or anyone in your family would hurt anybody, but she doesn't. She and the majority of the elders, they're stuck in their ways. To them, all vampires are dangerous, vegetarian or not. Generations of prejudice can be hard to break."

I couldn't help but wonder if that was why Grandpa Charlie and Sue couldn't be together, if she was worried it would cause some sort of trouble for her with the tribe to have a relationship with the father of a vampire? It still didn't make any sense to me though. In my family, if you loved someone, you did whatever it took to be together, even if it meant making huge sacrifices. If all else failed, why not just leave town, go somewhere where they wouldn't have to worry about what anyone else thought? It also didn't explain Grandpa Charlie's hesitation to be with Sue.

"Grandpa Charlie really loves her, huh?"

"Yes, he does, and that feeling is mutual."

"So why the reluctance? I know he's shy and all, but if she feels the same way, he's got nothing to worry about, right?"

"He's got a lot to worry about, actually."

"Like what?"

"Charlie's afraid that by letting anyone into his life, he's going to lose you and Bella."

"But, your mom knows what we are. I don't understand what the problem is. If it's because of tribe stuff, nobody's forcing them to stay here."

"The problem is that _he_ doesn't know what you are. All he knows is that to keep you and Bella in his life, he has to keep the secret that Bella's alive and you don't exist. It's kind of hard to keep secrets, especially _big_ secrets, when there's someone else in your life."

I leaned back into my seat, realizing how unfair the whole thing was for Grandpa Charlie and feeling completely defeated. "Well, crap. Who the hell made this so complicated?"

Seth laughed. "I have no idea. Somebody decided something eighteen years ago, and here we are, still chasing our tails."

I sighed. I had a feeling I knew exactly who that somebody was, but that was something I'd have to deal with later.

"Hey, Seth? Would you mind dropping me off somewhere?"

Seth cocked an eyebrow and looked at me sideways. "I'm supposed to take you home."

I smiled. "Yes, and you will be."

#

The SUV came around the last curve on the winding street, and I froze as the trees parted and the house finally came into view. Seth pulled into the driveway, and I remained motionless, just staring at the house. I hadn't spent much time there; we'd left just days after I was born, and most of that time, I was either asleep or being passed around by my family, but I still couldn't help but feel it hid some important clue that I'd been missing for so long.

I remembered the few days spent there, how Emmett would try to entertain me by making funny faces, how Carlisle and Esme would dote on me like any proud grandparents would their grandchild, how Rosalie always wanted to hold me the most, and anytime someone would want a turn they would almost have to pry me out of her arms. Even my father had a hard time trying to get to me when she was there.

"You all right?" Seth's voice startled me back to the present.

"Yeah, I was just…remembering. Hey, thanks for bringing me here," I said, opening the door of the SUV. "You don't have to stay. I can find my way back."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "I sort of want to be alone for a bit."

"All right. Call my cell if you need anything."

I hopped out of the SUV, and Seth pulled out of the driveway and headed back down the road. Turning back toward the house, I paused and took in the sight of my old, now empty home.

It came as no surprise that Carlisle hadn't sold the house to another owner. Aside from a couple of rare occasions where he'd left two of our previous houses to charity organizations to be used as a children's home and a women's shelter, Carlisle had kept the rest in case we'd ever decided to return in the future. Those he rented out, charging only a nominal fee in comparison to their size, and the condition that whomever lived in them had to keep up the general maintenance and landscaping on their own. However, for some reason, he'd never rented out the Forks house, and as I surveyed the surrounding yard, I couldn't help but notice that for a house that hadn't been lived in for eighteen years, the grounds and the house itself were in surprisingly perfect condition. I could only assume that he must have hired someone to keep it up.

I took a deep breath and slowly made my way up the driveway, finally stopping once I'd reached the glass front door. The cloudy sky and thick forest trees that surrounded the house didn't allow for any natural light to shine through the pane glass windows, and as I put my hands up to the door and peered inside, the dim living room gave off a cold, unwelcoming feeling. White sheets covered the furniture, keeping Esme's pristine furnishings free from dust, and works of art that better belonged in a museum, not in an unoccupied house in Forks, Washington, hung from the interior walls. The entire scene was reminiscent of all those stereotypical haunted house stories, and I was the idiot teenager determined to get inside.

Knowing my family wasn't the type to leave a key under the mat, I stepped back, readying myself to scale the house up to the second floor and hopefully find an unlocked window, when the latch clicked and the front door creaked open slightly. I gasped in surprise. _It's unlocked._ _Could Carlisle have had it left open for me?_

Without any hesitation, I reached for the doorknob, pushing it open the rest of the way, and slowly stepped in the doorway. A bouquet of scents swirled in the air around me, flooding my mind with thoughts of my family. How, after all this time, the house could still smell exactly as it did the day we left was beyond me, but I doubted that any of the other houses we'd lived in since held as many ghosts as this one.

I stepped inside farther, shutting the door behind me, and looked over the large living room and to the top of the staircase. Almost immediately, the painful memories that I had spent my entire life trying to forget returned, unwanted and unwelcome: the horrific screams; my mother holding me right after I was born; being taken out of her arms and not understanding why; my father looking down at me and kissing my forehead, trying to comfort me. Guilt and regret twisted a painful knot in my gut, and I grabbed hold of the staircase banister, splintering the wood underneath my fingers as I fought to once again push away the blame I'd always felt for killing my mother.

She denied it, of course. She and my father had spent many days and nights trying to convince me that I hadn't, that I'd given her what she always wanted, more than she'd ever even dreamed of, but the fact still remained that I had taken her life. I'd taken her away from her friends and family. I'd taken her blood, her heartbeat, and her humanity. I'd killed my mother.

"_Renesmee Cullen, you quite possibly might be the first supernatural being in history to need therapy,"_ Alice had said during the car ride home following my second school expulsion. She was being facetious at the time, but I was beginning to think she was right. Snickering to myself, I turned away from the staircase, walked over to the large window overlooking the forest, and placed my hands and forehead against the cool glass. I squeezed my eyes shut, intent on pushing the guilt away when memories of before I was born, voices so hollow and distorted by layers of fluid and flesh that had they not been such a constant in my life I never would have recognized them, filled my mind. I sighed, knowing that allowing myself to remember this particular moment that was fighting its way back into my consciousness was only going to lead to more pain, but that not allowing it to come through would defeat the entire purpose of me being here. I braced myself as best I could, and soon my ears rang with the echoes of nine voices fighting about whether or not I should be born. Though their words were muffled, I could clearly hear the tone of each member of my family as they argued their reasons why and why not.

I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of it all. My first conscious memory was of my family fighting about me. I guess some things never change.

Curiously, I tried to make out as many words as I could through the jumbled voices; I tried to figure out who of my family was fighting for my life and who was fighting for my mother's life.

My mother, of course, was fighting for me, as were Esme and Rosalie. Alice, however, not able to see me or what would happen to my mother once I was born, was fighting for Bella's life while Emmett and Jasper seemed content on whatever their wives wanted. Not surprisingly, my father was fighting for my mother, as was Carlisle and…

"Who the hell?" I gasped. There were clearly nine voices in my memory, but there were only eight members of my family. There had only _ever _been eight. Where did it come from?

The ninth voice, it thought I was a monster. More than anyone else, it wanted me to not be born. It wanted me dead. It _hated_ me.

And I loved it. Its sound, its tone, it comforted me. It made me feel at peace. It made me feel whole.

I hadn't heard it once since I was born. Oh, but I had tried. I had listened for it in all the people that surrounded me. I had longed to hear it. I never did. Eventually, I gave up. Like so many others, I pushed the memory away. I blocked it out. I forgot it.

I dug into my memories even harder, trying to think of whom the voice could belong to. I knew for sure it wasn't Grandpa Charlie, and its hateful words confirmed it couldn't have been Seth. There were family friends that had come to visit us in the years after I had been born, but none had ever shown any animosity toward me.

My heart pounded and my entire body trembled, and I made it to the edge of the couch before I finally collapsed. Was _this _why my father hadn't wanted me to come to Forks? Not because of the wolves, not because someone might recognize me, but because for my entire life, my family, the people I had trusted more than anything in the world, had kept secrets from me, that they had hidden the fact that there was once another one of us, another Cullen?

I curled up into a ball on the couch as an overwhelming feeling of betrayal crushed my chest. Did I even know my family at all?

* * *

><p><strong>AN**-So, one of my all-time favorite Jake/Nessie fics was written by a very lovely lady. If you like your stories a little dark and a bit mysterious then definitely check out Wicked Games by Hitchy. If the link here doesn't work, you can find it in my favorites list. But be warned, this is definitely a fic you'll want to start early in the day, because it will keep you up reading all night! s/6344775/1/Wicked-Games


End file.
